The problem with my future

One day, I’ll finally have a boyfriend,

one day, I’d have everything I ever wanted, I’ll be happy, I’d have more friends, you know, real friends, the kind I can actually share a bond with.

One day I’d be more confident, bold, more outgoing, ever so slightly Provocative. I’d be more myself, perpetually displaying a prominent middle finger for the whole world to see

I’d definitely be social, never an anomaly again. I’d be more extroverted,

maybe I’m kind of delusional, but one day, I wouldn’t be so ordinary.

I’d finally have a life worth living,

That change that I seek would come, someday, I don’t know how, or when, but it will.

And when it comes, it will sweep me off my tiny little feet, trumpets blazing, crowds screaming, music everywhere. Adore me universe, my very own la-la land, where everything is perfect,

In the future.

Hello ant readers, it’s been a while since I showed my face anywhere, I ghosted out again, but I won’t apologize for that. I think it’s a character default, you know, always needing to get away from people and environment ever so constantly so I can recharge and not have to experience a mental or spiritual burnout.

A time well spent.

While I was on my little hiatus from well, everything, I did a little bit self-examination on my life, I’m 20 years old after all, with hopefully years of my life left to live.

When I was younger, say in my early teens, I used to look at my twenties and I’d fantasize about the woman I’d be, about the things I’d had accomplished by then, the places I’d visit or travel to since I was an adult, I thought I’d be a totally different person than I was; beautiful, smart, assertive, and without all my very real flaws that I had come to loathe.

Well, I’m 20 going on 21, and life is still pretty much the same.

I’m still left wishing, and hoping for that elusive future where everything would fall into place. Maybe in my 30s.


Isn’t it quite convenient to get lost in our daydreams? Life is hard after all.

Our imaginations can be so powerful that whenever we are lost in it, our thoughts become reality.

We get to experience without really experiencing, how’s that for virtual reality.

We all have dreams, we’ve all got our dark fantasies that hopefully stay fantasies, some things are just better left in our heads where they belong.

Our dreams can be two things, an empowering wish that keeps us going even at our darkest hour, or our very own nightmare. The demon that attacks us as we helplessly lay lucid in our dreams.

we can become so caught up in the idea of the future that our current reality seizes to exist.

Do you know why it’s so easy and indulgent to just sit and daydream about what is yet to be? Because it gives pleasure without the immediate pain, it helps you escape your painful reality. This is innate to us humans.

But just with every other good thing in life, this also comes with its own ills.

We can get too consumed by this world we have created for ourselves, a world where we’d have more money, more status, friends, fame.

We can imagine ourselves finally moving to that foreign land where everyone just seems way happier, nicer, liberal, and romantic than the drab people who live in our dusty old town. Maybe we’d get to be different people there too.

All these hopes and dreams, but never a way to reconcile them to our current reality, if I can’t have it, I’ll imagine it, either in my head or through someone I believe has it all. Doesn’t matter if what I believe about those people is true or not.

I don’t want reality, I don’t want an actual person, hell no, give me anything but that. All I want is an empty screen to which I can project my deepest yearnings.

Billie eillish my future

I’ll see what I want to see, as long as I do not get to see what is.

we can talk all we want about how we’ll finally be able to be satisfied after we have gotten that which we think is missing from our lives in order for us to be happy.

But the pleasure we seek is never really found in the actualization but in the pursuit of it, the pursuit of happiness.

If this was not really the case, then we would all be able to find joy and content the moment we are finally able get what we had always “wanted”.

But the grass is always greener on the other side.

Wouldn’t it be nice, if we could finally be able to live in the moment, and not daydream so much about something possibly better lurking somewhere else, perhaps in the “future”?

Maybe we would finally be able to cherish our current time here on earth, knowing full well how fleeting it is as we become a master of the art of living in the present.

Maybe we’d be able to find a little bit of joy in the dusty old town, we might even be able to cherish our friends and family a little bit more, listening to them when they speak, rather than being lost in our thoughts, we humans sure love the sound of our own voice.

Nevertheless, when the illusion has been broken, one thing still remains the same,

There no future, there is only the past and now.

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6 ways to keep the clutter out and your mind sane

One could genuinely think that since we spend literally the whole day at home, then our living and working space would be organized and absolutely spotless. I mean, we’ve got nothing else to do, no social engagements, no tight schedules, no school, no work, just us with our remote control and t.v in our pajamas.

Clean up

But ironically, now that we spend most of our time at home, especially when we’re living with other people, it could tend to get quite chaotic.

If you are anything like me, then your bedroom is probably the most cherished area in your house for you, it is where you sleep, work, house your valuables. A place where you could zone out from the chaos of the outside world, clearing your mind of all the clutter.


But as time goes on, it does tend to get a bit crowded, chaotic even, and then that once “safe haven” begins to look like a Looney bin, which in turn affects your moods consciously or unconsciously.

Organization skills

Today, I’ll be sharing with you my tips on how to declutter your space (and potentially your mind). All of this task would take no more than 10 minutes or so to perform, however, keep in mind that any decluttering act is never complete until you get rid of things you no longer need!


Transitioning from pig dirty to clean….ish

1. Toss out the old Lipsticks
lipsticks are a woman’s best friend!

But an excessive number of lipsticks — some of which you may never wear — can accumulate over time. While lipstick does not come with expiration dates, they don’t stay good indefinitely!

Recycling lipsticks

I recommend assessing the freshness of your favorite lipsticks and tossing unused lipsticks and free samples that you are not apt to wear.


2. Recycle Old Socks and Undergarments

Numerous people get new socks and underwear without eliminating existing ones, which often results in an overstuffed drawer. Now is a good time to make space in your drawers by removing worn-out socks and undergarments with holes or loosened elastic, as well as socks with missing mates.

Organizing the bedroom

It is actually possible to recycle textiles, so contact your local recycling facility to see if they accept them. If not, companies like American Textile Recycling Service accept donations of clothing in any condition and can give unwearable items new life as upholstery and automotive stuffing or industry wiping rags.

However, if you are into DIY crafts like me, you can choose to upcycle some of them into DIY stuffed toys or similar craftworks.

Upcycle socks

3. Pare Down Writing Tools and Office Accessories

In my household, pens, pencils, and markers seem to breed over time. I have my few favorites and end up not using most of the others.

While you’re staying safe at home, spend a little time testing out your pens and markers and tossing any that lack ink. In fact, this is a great task to delegate to homebound little ones. Of the remaining good ones, pick out those you use and like and donate the rest.

How to declutter

Be sure to review your rulers, scissors, staplers, and other office items too, letting go of any that you don’t like to use or don’t need to have.


4. Sort Through and Donate Belts

Belts don’t take up a ton of room, so it’s easy to neglect them when you periodically clean out your closet. Personally, I am not attached to belts, so pruning mine is a painless task for me. In fact, I resist accumulating too many belts when I purchase clothing. When I buy an outfit or a coat with a belt and don’t care for the belt or have a need in my closet, I donate it right away.

Culling belts may not be an easy task for you, so before you tackle this one you will have to really judge whether it’s a project that falls within your time availability. It may be easier simply to focus on eliminating belts that are too small, too large, or that have cracking material or broken hardware.

Organization skills

Unfortunately, leather recycling is uncommon. Contact your local recycling center to see if they will take your old leather belts. If they don’t, another option to prevent your belt from going in the landfill would be to upcycle it into an art project. If the buckle is metal, you can recycle it as you would any other metal.

5. Donate or Recycle Old Books and Magazines

There was a time when I would save my magazines to read when I had more time, But by the time I had more time, the magazines were likely out of date.


Sometimes I even hoard already read magazines and brochures especially when I liked the pictures in the magazines (I’m a highly visual person)! Nevertheless, if this sounds like you, you may want to take some time to do a room-by-room scan of your house and pick up outdated magazines and newspapers and books you’re unlikely to read. Donate or recycle as appropriate.

Decluttering bedroom

If there are articles you still want to read in the magazines, consider tearing out just the specific articles and keeping them all in one folder. This will take up much less space and your articles to read will all be in one easily accessible place.

6. Toss out old equipment Manuals

Manuals for items ranging from the stove you no longer own to the DVD player often wind up being the “junk” in the “junk drawer.” And they may still be sealed in plastic packets full of registration cards you never sent and a lot of nonsense paperwork.


If you have a good handle on how to operate the coffee machine, the TV, and the toaster, toss those out, there is no point keeping a ‘how-to’ manual for something you have seen and used a thousand times!

How to recycle

This also applies to manuals for appliances you no longer own. If you’re trying to clear out paper, and building codes in your area don’t require that you keep manuals, check to see if the information is online and pitch the paper copies. Or save just the pages you need to keep track of model numbers and other useful information.

In most municipalities, you can recycle paper manuals with newspapers. If there are plastic bags involved, recycle them at the grocery store or with your local recycling company if allowed.


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