The problem with my future


One day, I’ll finally have a boyfriend,

one day, I’d have everything I ever wanted, I’ll be happy, I’d have more friends, you know, real friends, the kind I can actually share a bond with.

One day I’d be more confident, bold, more outgoing, ever so slightly Provocative. I’d be more myself, perpetually displaying a prominent middle finger for the whole world to see

I’d definitely be social, never an anomaly again. I’d be more extroverted,

maybe I’m kind of delusional, but one day, I wouldn’t be so ordinary.

I’d finally have a life worth living,

That change that I seek would come, someday, I don’t know how, or when, but it will.

And when it comes, it will sweep me off my tiny little feet, trumpets blazing, crowds screaming, music everywhere. Adore me universe, my very own la-la land, where everything is perfect,

In the future.


Hello ant readers, it’s been a while since I showed my face anywhere, I ghosted out again, but I won’t apologize for that. I think it’s a character default, you know, always needing to get away from people and environment ever so constantly so I can recharge and not have to experience a mental or spiritual burnout.

A time well spent.

While I was on my little hiatus from well, everything, I did a little bit self-examination on my life, I’m 20 years old after all, with hopefully years of my life left to live.

When I was younger, say in my early teens, I used to look at my twenties and I’d fantasize about the woman I’d be, about the things I’d had accomplished by then, the places I’d visit or travel to since I was an adult, I thought I’d be a totally different person than I was; beautiful, smart, assertive, and without all my very real flaws that I had come to loathe.

Well, I’m 20 going on 21, and life is still pretty much the same.

I’m still left wishing, and hoping for that elusive future where everything would fall into place. Maybe in my 30s.

Advertisements

Isn’t it quite convenient to get lost in our daydreams? Life is hard after all.

Our imaginations can be so powerful that whenever we are lost in it, our thoughts become reality.

We get to experience without really experiencing, how’s that for virtual reality.

We all have dreams, we’ve all got our dark fantasies that hopefully stay fantasies, some things are just better left in our heads where they belong.

Our dreams can be two things, an empowering wish that keeps us going even at our darkest hour, or our very own nightmare. The demon that attacks us as we helplessly lay lucid in our dreams.

we can become so caught up in the idea of the future that our current reality seizes to exist.

Do you know why it’s so easy and indulgent to just sit and daydream about what is yet to be? Because it gives pleasure without the immediate pain, it helps you escape your painful reality. This is innate to us humans.

But just with every other good thing in life, this also comes with its own ills.

We can get too consumed by this world we have created for ourselves, a world where we’d have more money, more status, friends, fame.

We can imagine ourselves finally moving to that foreign land where everyone just seems way happier, nicer, liberal, and romantic than the drab people who live in our dusty old town. Maybe we’d get to be different people there too.

All these hopes and dreams, but never a way to reconcile them to our current reality, if I can’t have it, I’ll imagine it, either in my head or through someone I believe has it all. Doesn’t matter if what I believe about those people is true or not.

I don’t want reality, I don’t want an actual person, hell no, give me anything but that. All I want is an empty screen to which I can project my deepest yearnings.

Billie eillish my future

I’ll see what I want to see, as long as I do not get to see what is.

we can talk all we want about how we’ll finally be able to be satisfied after we have gotten that which we think is missing from our lives in order for us to be happy.

But the pleasure we seek is never really found in the actualization but in the pursuit of it, the pursuit of happiness.

If this was not really the case, then we would all be able to find joy and content the moment we are finally able get what we had always “wanted”.

But the grass is always greener on the other side.

Wouldn’t it be nice, if we could finally be able to live in the moment, and not daydream so much about something possibly better lurking somewhere else, perhaps in the “future”?

Maybe we would finally be able to cherish our current time here on earth, knowing full well how fleeting it is as we become a master of the art of living in the present.

Maybe we’d be able to find a little bit of joy in the dusty old town, we might even be able to cherish our friends and family a little bit more, listening to them when they speak, rather than being lost in our thoughts, we humans sure love the sound of our own voice.

Nevertheless, when the illusion has been broken, one thing still remains the same,

There no future, there is only the past and now.


If you enjoyed reading this article and would want more contents like this, consider subscribing to my blog so you would be notified when similar articles like this get uploaded!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

A “no food for 7 days challenge”! The ultimate mental battle


I’m not new to the whole intermittent fasting thing, I’ve done that can a couple of times in the past.

Water fasting, that is, not consuming any food other than just water, then maybe coffee, and some apple cider vinegar for a specific period of time has always been a Rousey for me. Two days was the longest I’ve ever gone without food in the past even though I had initially planned on going farther.

the reason I often chose to stop barely halfway through my commitment was never because I was starving to death, in fact, other than the occasional lightheadedness which is to be expected when your body is going through a major withdrawal phase from all the carbs and sugar, I felt great and the hunger pangs were virtually nonexistent, nevertheless, I’d still find myself making up all sorts of “rational” excuses as to why I shouldn’t continue, somehow I would always find a way to break off my commitments.

Advertisements

Initially, I thought this mental weakness, my inability to keep to a plan, my indiscipline, lack of self-control, and my hyper fickle nature was only present in the face of food, I thought that if I was placed in a different situation I wouldn’t have such weaknesses, that somehow I’d rise to the occasion and do what needs to be done, but that was an illusion.

we often like to think that our lives, character, and habits are compacted. We like to think that even though we act a certain way in a particular situation, or respond/react a certain way to a particular event or person, that if the context were different we would be different, but habits are not isolates but relative. If you were unhappy in New York, you’d be unhappy in Paris. If you were an asshole to coworkers or friends, you’d be an asshole to your spouse or family.

I for a fact came to realize how this law of relativity worked in my own life too, I wasn’t just unreliable, indisciplined, totally irrational when it comes to food, with a deathly ‘fear of missing out’ (FOMO) on immediate pleasures. I saw it at work in every area of my life, sometimes to a lesser or greater extent.

This blog is three years old now, but I am yet to reach my 100th blog post even though I had set the milestone for accomplishing this in early February this year, we’re in July!

Advertisements

Certainly, the number of unique visitors I get to this blog has doubled within these past four months, from 8k/month to 10k/month, and now over 20k. Not too long ago a reader had even taken the time to send me an email thanking me for a particular blog post on my blog, that was the first of it’s kind, usually, people just drop a comment on site. I was touched, but at the same time, I felt undeserving!

Mind versus the animal

I’ve been trying to lose 5 pounds since August 2019! “Five pounds” is all that is between me and my ‘dream body’. However, every month, my waistline seems to increase. I tried going low carb, I tried intermittent fasting, they all worked, I’d shed a bit while I’m at it, but a week later I’ve gotten back whatever I’ve lost. This usually follows right after I’d start to make excuses of why I could cheat here and there, somehow I always had the Best of excuses lined up in my head to justify and excuse myself. It’s always a slippery slope downhill from there.

Believe me, it is never a good time to diet or fast!

last night I decided to confront myself and the bad habits I had formed over the years, it had already started to negatively impact my life on a more obvious level. I made a decision to finally conquer myself. Granted, this was not the first time I had raised such a war flag against the self, and every single time I had gone to war, I had lost. But the 100th time is always the charm, right?

Advertisements

Day 1 of my 7 day water fast

Laying on my bed last night as I came to this conclusion, I knew that I would have to mentally prepare myself for the coming days, I knew my greatest challenge was not the juicy food that I’d be offered during the fast, nor my body giving up on the quest that’ll be the problem, but my mind, and all the negativity I had pilled up against myself and my capabilities that’ll be the devil I’d have to contend with.

The year 2020 will be the year my life would experience a 180° turnaround!

Even if this year is already halfway through, it’s never too late to make a U-turn. I’m sure as hell not finishing this year the same way I began it.

This morning the weirdest of things happened, I swear the devil is out to get me!

Out of all days, for the first time ever in the history of my family so far have we ever had doughnuts for breakfast, but it happened today! And I was the one who had to make it for the family since I was the only one who knew how to.

I had to sit and watch my precious babies get devoured by everyone else while I sat and asked them “how does it taste like” as I drool.

My dad even had the nerves to suggest we prepare some steak for lunch knowing how much of a sucker I am in the face of grilled meat, dear Lord!

I had to remind myself constantly of why I am choosing to do this, it is more than just some weightloss quest and the aesthetic benefit, as I feel that would be a shallow reason for me to undergo such a great level of discomfort. I would know that because every single time I had made that the end goal I never seem to fall through, I tell you “body positivity” is a bitch!

I guess that’s what you get when you’re overly “satisfied” with the way you look.

To kick off my seven-day quest, I decided to make day one a dry fast, I would consume nothing at all, not even water, I had noticed from previous experience that if I don’t eat nor drink anything at all, I am less likely to crave food or feel hunger.

Nevertheless, I have never gone 24 hours without drinking water in my life, I had planned that I would at least drink water by 3:00 pm today if I start to get thirsty, but it’s 4:40 pm now as I type this and I feel perfectly fine!

You should note however that I did not attempt to do any form of strenuous workouts today, especially one that might cause me to perspire and up my need for fluids.

Although I do not know what’s install for me within the coming days, I think I’m off to a good start, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I am curious to know the strength of my character and resilience, I want to know my limits and then push it back even further, I will win this time!

I will be making daily updates as the week rolls by, documenting my thoughts and experiences, I can do this, I know I can.

I’m going full on beast mode!


If you enjoyed reading this article and would want more contents like this, consider subscribing to my blog so you would be notified when similar articles like this get uploaded!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

Here are some of my Amazon.com selections if you plan on going down the same road as me!

Every single product recommended here have been personally curated by me and is found to be reputable. These are also affiliated links, meaning if you use them to make purchases I would earn a little stipend but at no extra cost to you.

NOW Supplements, Potassium Citrate 99 mg, Supports Electrolyte Balance and Normal pH*, Essential Mineral, 180 Veg Capsules. $8.89

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

N1N Premium [3X Absorption, Vegan] Magnesium Complex, Powerful Supplement for Sleep, Leg Cramps, Muscle Recovery & Relaxation, Formulated for Women & Men – Pure, Non-GMO, 120 Veggie Capsules. $14.97

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Electrolyte Supplement for Rapid Hydration | NO Calories NO Sugar | 20%+ More Potassium, Magnesium & Zinc | 48 Servings. $23.95

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Planner 2020-2021 – Academic Weekly & Monthly Planner 8.5″ x 6.4″, Jul 2020 – Jun 2021, Flexible Hardcover, Strong Binding, Thick Paper, Tabs, Inner Pocket, Elastic Closure, Inspirational Quotes. $14.99

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Katie Daisy 2020 – 2021 On-the-Go Weekly Planner: 17-Month Calendar with Pocket (Aug 2020 – Dec 2021, 5″ x 7″ closed): Hello Beauty. $13.39

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

My day out and about plus an official face reveal!


Since the issuing of the lockdown and mandatory self-quarantine, I had barely stepped out of my house, most especially in the past three months.

To be honest, I did enjoy spending endless hours in my bedroom, it gave me time to really sit down and take stock of my life, it offered me the chance to catch up on my self-care. Nevertheless, I still had the internet and my blog to keep me busy throughout.

In terms of skincare, I did have my battles cut out for me, from trying to get rid of the acne scars I had accumulated throughout my teen years to my uneven skin tone due to sun exposure, and pimples which made it their life’s mission to torment my life!

nevertheless, with persistence, I was able to win (for now at least). I now am more comfortable going out or posting pictures barefaced.

I get some people who tell me I look younger than my age (I’m 20 by the way, going on 21 by December). But I don’t know.🙈🤷‍♀️

After the recent easing of the lockdown in the state I’m in, yesterday marked the first day of my reintroduction into the outside world again. I spent literally the entire day outside with my elder brother.

Heading out and about, a day in the life

Prior to the lockdown, I had been gifted a pair of Micheal Kors by my elder sister who works at the embassy, her husband is a politician currently serving in the house, I’m the youngest in my family.

Anyway, I figured what better way to celebrate the day, than by debuting a shoe I hadn’t worn yet!

I also made an effort to flex a little on those still stuck inside💃🏽

Life’s a bitch! 😹

Strutting down the streets yesterday towering at 6ft, I felt so confident and empowered, like a supermodel walking down the notorious runway of Milan and Paris. This was not because of the shoes per se, but because of my new found confidence gotten from self-acceptance and love. I seemed to relish it whenever I walked past someone and I tower over them. No longer was I insecure of my skinny body, the fact that I barely had any curves, and my butt looks like a deflated bread. I was satisfied with being taller (5’9) than the average woman (5’5).


Destination 1: the local pub

When we (my brother and I) left the house at noon, we didn’t really have a plan, we just took off full-on hermit mode!

after hours of randomly walking around town, we settled down at a local pub, there weren’t many people there, everyone sat at a distance which was great! I then decided to take up the noble role of the photographer of our little party.

Although an amateur, I did my best to capture good images, please do not think little of them😐

Though it was my first time visiting a place like this, one of the things I admire the most about this place was the lightening, and the setting, though I wasn’t allowed a drink (not particularly interested anyway), I could still sit and admire the environment and it’s energies!

I’m kind of anxious to see what a full house would look like

I took a bunch of goofy pics with my brother, and because he is kind of buff (he works out a lot) and he’s like 6ft’4inches he kind of makes me look tiny next to him. But that’s all good!

I really do not know why we choose to point fingers in this picture 🤷‍♀️

Much better, I guess….💁🏽‍♀️

I decided to take my brother’s shoe pics, mostly because people keep posting awesome sneak pics on social media, I said I was going to create my own, it didn’t really turn out as I’d hoped though!

But here’s one extra picture of me to compensate!

after spending a couple of hours there, we decided to hit the lakeside, by that time, it was already like 4:30 pm.

Destination 2: Johnny rockets and the lake!

As soon as I hard opportunity to leave the house, I wanted to grab a burger at my favorite restaurant, Johnny Rockets. Why? because the burger is life!

The restaurant had some chairs placed on the outside, I guess this is to prevent people from overcrowding the area. I took it upon myself to use my photography skills (however amateurish) to capture the people and the moment.

I also took photos of the people sitting outside, but without their consent though 😼, Art needs no permission!🙄🤓

I tried sneaking a pics of some waiter from a nearby restaurant.

I took some food pics too, I ate burger, some fries, along with fruit juice!

As if timed, as one set of people leave the vicinity, they are quickly replaced by another.

When the sun began to set, the most beautiful scenery was created, giving the lake a breathtaking golden hue! I decided to take some sunset lake picture, I badly wanted to swim in the lake, but the local authorities specifically highlighted with a post a “no swimming”, “no fishing” policy, plus I had no bikinis with me!

This picture isn’t even edited by the slightest bit, that’s how beautiful the sunset was!

I darkened this last picture a bit though so it would flow with the first one.

So this is pretty much how I spent the day yesterday! I hope you found it amusing!


If you enjoyed reading this article and would want more contents like this, consider subscribing to my blog so you would be notified when similar articles like this get uploaded!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

6 ways to keep the clutter out and your mind sane


One could genuinely think that since we spend literally the whole day at home, then our living and working space would be organized and absolutely spotless. I mean, we’ve got nothing else to do, no social engagements, no tight schedules, no school, no work, just us with our remote control and t.v in our pajamas.

Clean up

But ironically, now that we spend most of our time at home, especially when we’re living with other people, it could tend to get quite chaotic.

If you are anything like me, then your bedroom is probably the most cherished area in your house for you, it is where you sleep, work, house your valuables. A place where you could zone out from the chaos of the outside world, clearing your mind of all the clutter.

Advertisements

But as time goes on, it does tend to get a bit crowded, chaotic even, and then that once “safe haven” begins to look like a Looney bin, which in turn affects your moods consciously or unconsciously.

Organization skills

Today, I’ll be sharing with you my tips on how to declutter your space (and potentially your mind). All of this task would take no more than 10 minutes or so to perform, however, keep in mind that any decluttering act is never complete until you get rid of things you no longer need!

Advertisements

Transitioning from pig dirty to clean….ish

1. Toss out the old Lipsticks
lipsticks are a woman’s best friend!

But an excessive number of lipsticks — some of which you may never wear — can accumulate over time. While lipstick does not come with expiration dates, they don’t stay good indefinitely!

Recycling lipsticks

I recommend assessing the freshness of your favorite lipsticks and tossing unused lipsticks and free samples that you are not apt to wear.

Advertisements

2. Recycle Old Socks and Undergarments

Numerous people get new socks and underwear without eliminating existing ones, which often results in an overstuffed drawer. Now is a good time to make space in your drawers by removing worn-out socks and undergarments with holes or loosened elastic, as well as socks with missing mates.

Organizing the bedroom

It is actually possible to recycle textiles, so contact your local recycling facility to see if they accept them. If not, companies like American Textile Recycling Service accept donations of clothing in any condition and can give unwearable items new life as upholstery and automotive stuffing or industry wiping rags.

However, if you are into DIY crafts like me, you can choose to upcycle some of them into DIY stuffed toys or similar craftworks.

Upcycle socks

3. Pare Down Writing Tools and Office Accessories

In my household, pens, pencils, and markers seem to breed over time. I have my few favorites and end up not using most of the others.

While you’re staying safe at home, spend a little time testing out your pens and markers and tossing any that lack ink. In fact, this is a great task to delegate to homebound little ones. Of the remaining good ones, pick out those you use and like and donate the rest.

How to declutter

Be sure to review your rulers, scissors, staplers, and other office items too, letting go of any that you don’t like to use or don’t need to have.

Advertisements

4. Sort Through and Donate Belts

Belts don’t take up a ton of room, so it’s easy to neglect them when you periodically clean out your closet. Personally, I am not attached to belts, so pruning mine is a painless task for me. In fact, I resist accumulating too many belts when I purchase clothing. When I buy an outfit or a coat with a belt and don’t care for the belt or have a need in my closet, I donate it right away.

Culling belts may not be an easy task for you, so before you tackle this one you will have to really judge whether it’s a project that falls within your time availability. It may be easier simply to focus on eliminating belts that are too small, too large, or that have cracking material or broken hardware.

Organization skills

Unfortunately, leather recycling is uncommon. Contact your local recycling center to see if they will take your old leather belts. If they don’t, another option to prevent your belt from going in the landfill would be to upcycle it into an art project. If the buckle is metal, you can recycle it as you would any other metal.

5. Donate or Recycle Old Books and Magazines

There was a time when I would save my magazines to read when I had more time, But by the time I had more time, the magazines were likely out of date.

Advertisements

Sometimes I even hoard already read magazines and brochures especially when I liked the pictures in the magazines (I’m a highly visual person)! Nevertheless, if this sounds like you, you may want to take some time to do a room-by-room scan of your house and pick up outdated magazines and newspapers and books you’re unlikely to read. Donate or recycle as appropriate.

Decluttering bedroom

If there are articles you still want to read in the magazines, consider tearing out just the specific articles and keeping them all in one folder. This will take up much less space and your articles to read will all be in one easily accessible place.

6. Toss out old equipment Manuals

Manuals for items ranging from the stove you no longer own to the DVD player often wind up being the “junk” in the “junk drawer.” And they may still be sealed in plastic packets full of registration cards you never sent and a lot of nonsense paperwork.

Advertisements

If you have a good handle on how to operate the coffee machine, the TV, and the toaster, toss those out, there is no point keeping a ‘how-to’ manual for something you have seen and used a thousand times!

How to recycle

This also applies to manuals for appliances you no longer own. If you’re trying to clear out paper, and building codes in your area don’t require that you keep manuals, check to see if the information is online and pitch the paper copies. Or save just the pages you need to keep track of model numbers and other useful information.

In most municipalities, you can recycle paper manuals with newspapers. If there are plastic bags involved, recycle them at the grocery store or with your local recycling company if allowed.

Advertisements

If you enjoyed reading this article and would want more contents like this, consider subscribing to my blog so you would be notified when similar articles like this get uploaded!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

Here are some of my Amazon.com selections to help make life easier!

Every single product recommended here have been personally curated by me and is found to be reputable. These are also affiliated links, meaning if you use them to make purchases I would earn a little stipend but at no extra cost to you.

(Software)Star Trek: The Complete Comic Book Collection. 500+ issues spanning over 40+ years of production! $29.99

Rating: 4 out of 5.

iDesign Rain Lazy Susan Turntable Cosmetic Organizer for Vanity Cabinet, Bathroom, Kitchen Countertop to Hold Makeup, Beauty Products, 9″ x 9″ x 1.5″, Clear. $10.51

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

HBlife Makeup Organizer 3 Pieces Acrylic Cosmetic Storage Drawers and Jewelry Display Box. $22.49

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Busy Family Bill Organizer. $4.98

Rating: 5 out of 5.

How I make my sausage bread rolls!


After my last post on You won’t be throwing away the pasta water after this and the wonderful reception it received from my readers, I decided that taking topics on cooking just as important as I do other topics on my blog may also be a good idea

After graduating high school in 2016, I was sort of confused on whether I wanted to go to the university because I didn’t know what I wanted to study or do with my life, I spent two years at home as a result!

Nevertheless, during that time period, I didn’t just sit around and watched television all day for two years straight, I decided to enroll in a catering school.

I learned a lot during those periods, I learned a lot about baking, I also learned that I enjoyed eating much much more than I did cooking!

I just recently grew a taste for sausages, I hated that stuff so bad when I was growing up the moment I find sausages along with my food in a plate, I would push that plate away. It didn’t matter how tasty that food was.

So as a tribute to my new found lover, I decided to make a blog post on how I make me sausage bread rolls!

How to make sausage bread rolls for beginners.

Ingredients

  • 2 cups of flour
  • 2 tablespoon melted butter
  • 1/2 tablespoon yeast
  • 1 egg🥚
  • 1/2 tablespoon salt
  • 1/2 cup of warm milk 🐮
  • 2 tablespoon sugar
  • 10 hotdogs

Additional ingredients

  • About a handful of flour set aside to help in the kneading process.
  • 1 egg for coating before baking
  • 1 extra tablespoon of sugar to help in activating the yeast.
  • Cooking spray
  • Sesame seeds

Tools you’d be needing

  • A large bowl and a dough mixer
  • A board and a rolling pin
  • a knife to cut and a brush for coating
  • Baking trays and an oven

How to

Phase 1:

  • Dissolve the yeast and sugar in the warm milk 🐄
  • In another bowl combine the butter and egg 🥚 and then set aside.
  • In a large bowl, combine the flour, salt, and sugar after which you are to make a well in the middle of mixture in which you are to add the yeast/egg/milk and butter and then mix together until a soft dough is formed.
How to make bread

Phase 2:

  • Transfer the dough into a lightly floured surface and knead until it is smooth and elastic for about 10 minutes or so by hand, and 7 minutes when using a dough mixer.
  • Place dough inside a very large bowl that has been pre-coated with oil (or you can just use a cooking spray), then leave the dough to rise in a warm place for an hour or till it doubles in size.
How to knead a dough

After the dough has been set aside, use that waiting period to steam your sausages for about 7 minutes using boiling water of cause.

When the dough has risen just fine, turn it out into a lightly floured surface.

Combining the dough and the sausage

Divide the dough into 10 equal pieces to match the 10 sausages you have, and then using a rolling pin, roll out each dough into a rope long enough to wrap around each sausage about three times

Sausage rolls recipes

wrap the rolled dough around the sausage and place them in a lightly greased and floured baking sheet at least 2 inches apart.

Cover the rolls and let it rise again until it doubles itself in volume for about 30 minutes.

How to make sausage rolls

Making a coat

Whisk up one egg together with a tablespoon of water and brush the surfaces of the bread rolls with them, you can also sprinkle some sesame seeds to it here if you like.

Place in a preheated oven of about 110°c and bake for 10 to 15 minutes or until golden brown and you’re done! 💃🏽💃🏽

Bread roll recipes for beginners

Footnote

There are other variations to this, some way more tastier than this, let me know in the comment section if you’d like more on that.

Sausage rolls with cheese

If you enjoyed reading this article and would want more contents like this, consider subscribing to my blog so you would be notified when similar articles like this get uploaded!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.